In an age where most of today's songs are just about Kinky Sex & Ugly Break-Ups, it refreshing to go back to a time where it was just about LOVE. I Love You, I Need You, Let's Work Though This, Etc. A lot of Love-Making went down with this song in the background; and I would imagine more than a few guys used this song to make his Lady smile after he f__ked up. We need more of this today. And for me personally, songs like this carry so much more meaning inside. She knows...
HOWARD HEWETT-SHOW ME
Starting with his days as Lead Singer for Shalamar, and on to what appears to have been a stable & successful career as a solo artist, Howard Hewett personifies everything that was the late eighties/early nineties soul music scene. During that era the music was much more sensual than before; but it still cared about romance. Singers like this told her how beautiful she looked, took her out-or kept her in for candle light dinner, maybe a shower or massage, THEN it was time to make love. Ahhhh, thise were the days.
MARY J. BLIGE feat LAURYN HILL-BE WITH YOU *REMIX*
I first came across this song on an old DJ Evil Dee Mixtape back in the day, and as if I didn't love the original, I went BANANAS over the remix! It's pretty safe to say that in 94-95, these two women ruled the Soul/R&B music world for sure. And still to this day, regardless of whether they have current music out, the mention of these two names can bring an excitement like few others. Can we get a second coming of this collaboration please???
L-Boogie & Mary J in 2014! Fingers crossed...
QUEEN LATIFAH-JUST ANOTHER DAY
One of the two standout cuts on Latifah's 1993 album "Black Reign," "Just Another Day" provides a lovely little flow that should inspire one to just enjoy & soak up Life's "Little Things." Much more mellow than what we had come to hear from "Her Royal Badness," one could say with a certainty that this song & likely most of that album was inspired out of the pain of losing her brother to a motorcycle accident then prior year. The beauty of it is that no matter what the year, or motivation behind the song, the message remains UNIVERSAL...
jean grae-my story
No real explanation or intro needed. Deep, Touching & Emotional this song/video is. Anyone that knows me, knows my LOVE for the Great JEAN GREASY aka JEAN GRAE. In a more contemplative mood, as I prepare to head out to work in Tennessee's Epic ICEPOCALYPSE of 2014 (I stole that phrase from my brother TRON). Hope this helps get the day of on the right foot.
Stay Warm. P.E.A.C.E.
POOR RIGHTEOUS TEACHERS-SHAKIYLA
Salute to All of The Queens of The Universe...
I'm sure you all know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month but did you know that it is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month as well? Not to downplay cancer by any means, but this issue needs some attention this month too! This post will ruffle lots of feathers but who cares. This is my story to tell.
Earlier today online someone posted and asked "Why is is so hard for woman to leave abusive men?" Growing up I witnessed abuse, took abuse to literally try and protect my mother as early as age 5. I swore this will never happen to me. When I became an adult I had friends that married young and/or had babies in high school or fresh out of high school. A handful of them dealt with emotional and physical abuse. I would get so frustrated, I couldn't understand how could they stay, it seemed like a no brainer to me, just leave. That would never be me. I would never tolerate a man even talking to me like they did, controlling me like they did, touching me like they did. But guess what eventually I did.
I used to call him "My King, My Love, My All", text, email, used to write it on his lunch I would make everyday. . I knew him for years before we dated but we weren't really friends. In the year before we dated we built up a friendship. He became who I would vent to when things were not so great with my sons father. He was understanding, kind, complimented me but not too much. I looked at him as a good friend. Then I was single. Then "You know I like you right?" He was charming, attractive, carried himself with respect. He took me and my son out of town, opened doors for me, showed me what I had been waiting for in a man. We were inseparable. We had alot of mutual friends and co-workers, barely any of them knew. Work was a great excuse to keep me hidden from his social life. But I feel in love with him, his boys and his boys with me. Eventually became so close with his whole family. I had the family I never had. The holidays, the sunday dinners, always together having each others back. His mom was Mom, I was introduced as daughter.
Just a few months in we started arguing. Nothing seemed to make him happy, I couldn't win. Ultimatums of you cant talk to this person, you cant do this, I don't want you on Facebook. Accusations. You name it. Year One was full of head games. And he won every single one. All I wanted to do was make my king happy. Then right at the year mark, I got slapped and hands around my neck, though he didn't choke me I got the point. I locked myself in the bathroom. I couldn't believe it. Yet I came out and begged him not to leave. He just wanted to leave and I begged so much til he slapped me again. And then he left anyways.
I would learn later that he was always going to come back. Hes never leaving you. Thats his MO, but I just didn't want to lose him. Fast forward through cheating, more cheating, and more head games, its christmas time. Were bickering at his moms, I decide to sleep in the family room on the couch rather then deal with him. He comes in the dark and grabs me by my hair and pulls me off the couch. Later he says i put myself off the couch, I see it as my ass was getting pulled Im going willingly.
At this point I was so depressed. No one was around. I have never had a tight nit family. I was always the one planning outings with friends and family, forcing the togetherness. I wasn't able to be that anymore, so rarely did anyone ask me why I was m.ia. I had no one, was in a court battle over child support and visitations, the only one who was there and did have my back when I needed it was My King. It wasn't all bad, why would any one stay with someone if it was so bad all the time. I loved taking care of him and my boys, I lived to serve him. He was best friend, my only friend. And like I said at the end of the day he would come through for me and vice versa. So I stuck through more cheating, more head games. When I would catch the cheating it would be flipped on me. I was always faithful and loyal. Around Valentines I had a pregnancy scare. He was m.i.a all week until I was in the clear. I went deeper in depression, I didn't work that entire week. He made up for it by leaving me Tiffany jewelry in my car at work, although I knew it was fake, it was so thoughtful to me. Then the next week I found out yet again more cheating. What was worse was that he had been pressuring me to lose the 15lbs I had gained in our relationship and he had actually even treated this other woman who happened to be overweight to my food and bought her the same gifts for Valentines Day. I was furious and hurt. I confronted him in the driveway when we met up. I started to dial her, he wrestled me, threw me against my truck and took my phone and threw it in the street. You think I would've left, and I did.
We would argue and he would always show up at random times. So I went where he wouldn't expect me. I decided forget this I'm taking a break from my life. I went to his moms and I took a leave from work. I ignored emails, phone calls. His mom would tell him she hadn't heard from me. He didn't bother to check there. I made it a few weeks until seeing him on his mom's birthday when we all went out and then to a party. In my mind I was his and only his and no other woman could compete. I made it clear what I wasn't going to put up with anymore. We bickered through it. I wasn't backing down, I wasn't going to be controlled anymore or lied and cheated on anymore. And he wasn't going to put his hands on me in any manner or talk to me disrespectfully anymore. We both suffered from depression, so some days it was great some days we would just argue to the point we would be in the same house for days and ignore each other. I don't think this helped at all.
About a month later things started getting better, he decided he was ready to commit. We made the leap to move in together. I rented my home out and moved into my dream home with him. We were suppose to be working towards marriage. Things were the best ever at first. There was a hiccup with this one woman leaving a bag of his items in the driveway. We fought about it but at the end of the day I really was happy that it was a sign that they were done. Then he lost his job.
I sucked it up, went to work more. Somehow I was making the bills work, but it was extremely stressful on us both and no decent paying jobs were calling back. Not long after that we argued and he tried to put me out the house. I was fighting back now. I hit kicked, even bit him when he had my arms held. Then not long after that more evidence of cheating. I don't even remember everything that happened during one argument but I know I got the backhand and he wouldn't let me out of the room. At some point in the struggle I remember looking down at my phone and seeing the words "Mom dialing" and I thought "Mom will hear everything and show up or call someone". No one showed. I felt more defeated and alone then ever. I remember just crying on my knees and asking god to takeover control in my life because I had nothing left. Days later I looked back and realized my phone pocket dialed her old number, that actually made me feel better.
Later we took a vacation just to come back and find out we needed an awful lot of money very quickly. Talk about stress! Of course we argued, who wouldn't in that type situation? We argued so bad I tried to leave, got a uhual and everything. I wound up leaving the uhual there and left because the drama was too much with both our family there. I tried to stay at my moms to think but then we argued and she kicked me out. So once again reinforcing who was there for me and I went home. But we got it together financially. We made it happen. I worked overtime and put every bill off that I could. Then one night I was so tired after working overtime and running around getting my son, paying bills. It was late. I didn't want to be bothered so I was watching tv in our family room. Then I get a text message accusing me of cheating because I was being distant. Truth was I was just tired AF! I snapped. I went down to the bedroom and I asked what the hell this was about. I don't even know what he said, he just ran his mouth and I was over it. I just punched him in side of head as he laid in bed talking. Of course he jumped up and chased me down, beat the back of my head in, never touched my face. When I was down I felt a kick to the side. In that moment I thought I don't want my son to become this kind of monster. I knew in that moment I would be leaving for sure.
I didn't leave that moment. I knew I had to play cool. He went to bed and I went back upstairs. He tried to apologize the next day but it was too late. I went to work. I had some nosebleeds. So after work I went to the er, had a cat scan. Only had a concussion but still damn I needed a cat scan? I stayed with his mom that night and then the next day I got up, called out of work, found an apartment by 930am approved. Utilities on and keys in hand by noon, Uhaul by 1 pm and pulled up to the new spot by 630pm. As time went on I got mentally stronger, got back to a healthy weight see I had gotten underweight and dehydrated in the stress of it all, For about a month seems like my only nutrition was wine and cock tails to calm my nerves. Leaving was hard but it was freedom. Very quickly I could breathe again. I stopped my antidepressants and anxiety meds. I don't need them anymore. This past year has been a journey in finding what I want, what makes me happy. Its been a year of embracing change, of literally starting over in every way you can think of. In May we met up for lunch, I was able to conversate about the good stuff no problem, you know the kids and such. But when it came down to me and him, I was able to walk away. And walk away with a smile I did because I knew he didn't have control over me anymore. I did tell him at our lunch that I will never love anyone like I loved him and that is true. Our love was sick, demented. 2 damaged souls that didn't need to be together and no love should be like that.
I share so much detail of my story because I want people to think twice before judging another's situation and maybe pay attention if they start alienating themselves. I hope I brought some insight into the mind of the woman that stays. I hope this story makes someone feel normal and want to reach out to someone, anyone and decide to take back control of their own life. And I hope this even touches someone who has been an abuser to recognize the mental anguish you put on a person through mental and physical abuse. It wasn't bad all the time. He was my comfort and my pain. Its not like the movies. This is real life. I hope one day he grows and is great at being someone's King, I just don't desire him to be mine. That corny saying about loving yourself, yeah its real and I love me too much to settle for anything these days. I am pretty awesome.
P.E.A.C.E & Much Love,